Getting him involved in the wedding plans. It’s a common problem. For centuries, the domain of scheduling and picking out vendors has by-in-large been considered the domain of the bride and her cohorts. We’ve all heard the reasons: it’s not the man’s place’ it’s a woman’s affair, etc. etc. ad nauseam.
The bride and her entourage of mother and besties handling all of the details of the wedding planning is an assumption from a bygone era when the nuclear family (father with single house-sustaining-income and a stay-at-home wife) was still largely relevant. It’s outdated roots buried in cultural myth. The rich gentlemen leaves all of the wedding planning to his fiancée because he’s a titan of industry and she needs something to occupy her time.
Movies and books have provided us plenty of peaks into the lives of the bored and rich (The Great Gatsby, Titanic and Cruel Intentions, to name a few), but even the trope of the bored fiancée isn’t historically inclusive. There have been plenty of female bakers, farmers, shop-keeps, innkeepers, cooks and more all throughout history. We know women filled these rolls, but their stories are tragically untracked and lost in time. Google any “wedding history” entry, and you’ll find pages upon pages of how the nobility married. The life of the peasant (the majority or people) is largely glossed over. But we can discern one thing: these women did not have an abundance of free time.
At some point we bought into the cultural myth, and now brides-to-be are having late nights spent going over registries and fitting in frantic calls to florists during their lunchbreak. The times have changed, but the outdated rituals are still being practiced. Of course, this isn’t true across the board. There are plenty of great men adding their time and energy to weddings these days. Others, want to help, but don’t know how or are overwhelmed by the sheer scope of it all. Exhibit A:drop an article on “900 Ways to Personalize Your Wedding Invitations” on him and see how he reacts.
There’s no shortage of guides directed at women to help them navigate the deep whirlpool of wedding planning –heck, there are entire businesses designed from the ground up to do exactly that. What little advice that’s out there for men usually follows two paths of thought, “Here’s how to contribute just enough so your partner can’t complain” or “here’s some things you can help with. They’re minor details, so we won’t have to worry about you messing everything up.” Both of these address the symptoms while still looping around like a large funnel to feed the actual problems. That A. weddings are not their business, so it doesn’t matter, and b. weddings do concern them, but they’re not allowed because it’s really one big girls-only club.
So that’s how we got here. Now to find ways to get him involved. Not enticed; not coerced, but honestly excited and involved. Our time here each week is sadly limited, so we’re going to delve into that next week.
